Parents don't want justice...

...they want peace!', says Bill Cosby, parenting genius.

Too right! Parents everywhere would secretly subscribe to this sentiment - I would bet my patchwork stash on it.

So Little Bro is annoyed by Sis being completely, like, social!

'She's never home to do her jobs Mum!' he points out.

I could point out to him, I say the same thing about him. How many times have I emptied the dishwasher and taken out the compost and rubbish when he's next door at The Best Mate's place?

I'd like a dollar...

Now don't get me wrong, I'm no slave-driver, but I believe kids should do their part in maintaining the cushy environments they live in. Especially as they get older, they need to learn how to take care of themselves should the need arise - when Hubby and I go on a trip without them for example. :D

Now, if I look at the jobs list on the fridge, it all looks completely fair and equal. The problem is that Big Bro has had VCE to contend with for three years now - 'Mum I'm studying!'.

Sis CAN'T miss Neighbours, and says 'When Neighbours is finished Mum', and then promptly forgets and then it rains and the clothes that have been hanging on the line (probably hung out by me) for four days, get another rinse!

'Okay' I say to Little Bro. 'We'll switch the jobs around, wanna take out the garbage and compost all the time, instead of emptying the dishwasher?'

'Yeah' he says. That was easy. Problem solved. Or was it?

'Why are we changing the jobs around?' comes the whine from Sis.

'Because Little Bro says you're never here, so we're switching the jobs around. And you've all been doing the same things for years. It's time for a change.'

'He's always next door at The Best Mate's place!' she countered. Sigh. Why, why why?!

'Look, that's how it is now, and it's because I said so.' I said this with finality using my best Dragon Mother voice.

Sis flounced off, clearly indicating this isn't over.

Chat Language - Keep Your Eyes On It!

Are we acting as the notorious Big Brother if we want to check through our children's contacts on their mobile phones, IM chats or Facebook accounts?

My son recently had an internet safety session at school last week which highlighted the frightening prevalence of all kinds of dangers, from bullying (which has allegedly recently resulted in four teen suicides at one regional high school), to pedophelia and other undesirable results.

It really is a virtual world out there, and one that is almost impossible to control, patrol or regulate. Unfortunately, there is a whole new language known by kids, and anybody else who is au fait with the latest in communication technology.

Some of the terms are intentionally keeping parents unaware of what the children might really be up to. I will hazard a guess that many parents aren't even aware of the languages out there Here are a few words from this internet language vocabulary of which there are many variations & even simply symbols in place of words:

• pos = parents over shoulder
• ftbomh = from the bottom of my heart
• (()):** = hugs & kisses
• irl = in real life

There are a whole lot out there...you should check it out. There's even a text or chat language conversion site!

Hmm this may be useful...but don't tell the kids!

Teach Your Children

Why are we so embarrassed to teach our children anything formally? Neither of us are teachers, yet our children do look to us as teachers although they may not see it that way.

This morning, we made an effort to sit down as a family and share a book written by a well known family psychologist - Dr James Dobson - called Preparing for Adolescence. I pulled it out of a drawer where it had lain unread for many years this week while I had been in bed with flu. I did a speed read and discovered it's actually written TO pre-teens and teens, not to parents.

That said, the information I read was like discovering gold to me. I so wish I knew back then what I know now. Dr Dobson asks why do parents keep their own stories and examples from their own children? My reason is that I didn't realise how common the problems teenagers face growing up actually are, or how the manifestations of different behaviours are linked. We're not all psychologists are we?

It's amazing, I thought till very recently, that I was the unusual one. I was shy, bullied, felt insecure, uncoordinated and probably experienced many other problems I thankfully have forgotten for now. It is apparently normal for most if not all adolescents to go through all of these and more! This has spurred us to action!

We have three children at a different point in the teen years, one entering, one in the middle, and one towards the end. I think this book will help us approach and maybe even begin to solve some of the problems we have been experiencing in our family for some time.

It seems to be an answer to prayer really.

Just a Minute!

Dinner's ready! I call. I've learnt to call the family to the table at least five minutes ahead of time because inevitably Little Bro is on level 1,000,000 of Tunescape, Sis is watching her favourite TV soap, Big Bro is 'just reading one more page' and the Husband decides he needs the bathroom.

Four of us wait for the last one to appear (and that could be any of the other three), meanwhile the fish is going cold. I roll my eyes and sigh. The steam is no longer rising from the freshly cooked vegetables, but is now percolating from my ears. With nostrils flaring I shove my chair back and storm to Little Bro's bedroom. He looks up guiltily. Just a minute Mum! I'm just in the middle of something.

Now what does that expression mean to you? 60 seconds? Two minutes? In 17 years of being a mother, I still don't know. Well, when I say it, what I really mean is wait till I'm finished what I'm doing, be patient. (It's my right as a parent to take as long as I need to do what I'm doing - it's more important than what you need me for - isn't it?)

Come to think of it, that's probably what everyone thinks it means when they say it, but not when they hear it. When we hear this phrase, we take it literally. When we say it, we are "guesstimating", rounding off and not wanting to openly disappoint the requester.

So why are we so optimistic about how long things take? We don't want the other person/s to slide off the hook, lose interest in what we need them for, or think they are less important.

But by underestimating how long it will be until my mind is free to refocus, I think I am undervaluing the importance of the request and/or the supplicant.

My latest resolution is to be (more) precise about how long it will be until I can give my fullest attention to the next attention-seeking missile.